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Saturday, July 30, 2011

Family Wedding


Family Wedding

Who doesn’t look forward to a family wedding?  I know I do and have looked forward to the wedding posted in this blog for a year.  You see, my cousin Kimberly is an extremely organized person and made sure that the whole family knew plenty in advance (1 year) to book our airfare and hotel room for the occasion.  Kimberly’s only daughter and the first of her 3 children was the one getting married

Mom and Dad
My sister Cristal and husband Gary

 Emily, my second cousin, was a picture of beauty while walking down the aisle toward her future husband but wait….I’m getting ahead of myself.  The first day of my trip started out at 4:30am as my flight left Indianapolis at 7:00am that day.  I don’t mind getting up early at all as long as it’s for a good reason and seeing family is as good as it gets.  I had a layover in Atlanta on my way down to Tampa, Florida and the first leg of my trip was just a little bit too memorable.

I was sitting in an aisle seat with the spot next to me empty when the crew started closing the plane’s door then I saw the flight attendant smile at what looked like someone approaching.  Just as I thought I would have a roomy flight down to Atlanta my eyes became affixed upon what would be a most uncomfortable experience.  A morbidly obese man was inching ever so close to my roomy utopia as he would have to stop for an intermittent breath like he was running or jogging in a race.  I, immediately, began praying hard to god that he NOT sit next to me.  I told god that I would be a better person, stop cussing, have pure thoughts, help little old ladies across the street whatever, just please don’t have this guy sit next to me.

Crap!!  He stopped just short of my location to put his luggage into the overhead bin and I knew he was going to have a ticket designated next to me.  Yup, I was right but just before he shoehorned himself into our row he whispered into the attendant’s ear a few mumblings that I couldn’t quite hear and stood there while she quickly walked to the front of the aircraft.  She returned with a seat-belt extension (yes, he was that big) for the gentleman and he began his arduous task of getting himself situated into his seat which I thought would be impossible.  Sitting down and getting buckled in took this man a little over 2 minutes and I instantly became a little heartbroken for him.  He was sweating profusely and would not look me in the eye as he apologized for taking so long.  He was clearly embarrassed and I felt nothing but melancholy at that moment.
As I tried to sit in my seat the gentleman realized he needed to move sort of sideways to allow me get situated before we could take off.  It was a full flight and there was nowhere else for me to sit as my upper body was pushed into the aisle.  The flight attendant looked at me and sort of winced realizing my discomfort. 

About 20 minutes later the same flight attendant ran the drink cart into my shoulder with what seemed to be extreme prejudice.  I had nowhere else to go as the sharp edge dug into my shoulder blade and then slid down the entire side of the cart.  She tried to physically push me back into my seat as she walked by without saying a word.  Not “excuse” not “I’m sorry” nothing.  Okay fine, whatever, at least the next flight has to better than this right?

Have you ever gotten into a car with someone who has really bad breath?  Breath so bad that there is no relief unless you open the window … that’s what was waiting for me in Atlanta.  This gentleman looked familiar as he talked incessantly on his phone to the studios back in Bristol, Connecticut.  As soon as I heard the words “STUDIO” and “BRISTOL” I knew this guy had something to do with ESPN as he was talking about the NBA draft to what seemingly sounded like a player on the other end of his phone conversation.  “So do any of the first 5 guys picked remind you of anyone you played with” was one of his questions.

He sat kitty-corner from me in the terminal but, unfortunately, right next to me on the plane.  His breath smelled like some rotting creature crawled down his throat and died there only to emit a dearth of death reminiscent of a landfill of slaughter-house carcasses with a river of raw sewage running through it. Okay, maybe it was worse than that.  The guy on the other side of the aisle offered him some gum which he turned down not realizing he was offending our olfactory sense in the worst possible way.

Emily dancing with her father Roger

Yes, Emily was beautiful on her special day and to me, more so as I harkened back to my trip down to her wedding and the special memories I have of the fat man and the stinky dude.  Enduring folks like that make any occasion a treasure….getting a root canal would have been pleasurable compared to spending any more time with my two traveling companions.

 Me and my god-parents Uncle Harvey and Aunt Alma

Somehow, some wine was spilled on the brides dress…wine from my glass which should have been horrific to me but I couldn’t stop thinking about what I “experienced” to get to that very moment and in many ways I couldn’t care less that the bride now had wine stains on her wedding dress.  I apologized, of course, as she acted as though her world was shattering a tiny bit and couldn’t help but giggle a little as a smile creased my face.  I think Emily thought I was a little evil and scurried away to greet more guests.

Have a great day and never give up!

Mark (Sparky)

1 comment:

  1. Who was the ESPN guy? Inquiring minds MUST know!